x-mas jokes

Entering  Heaven

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes  Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s glasses.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carol’s.”

At Grandma’s
– Written by Tab Nettleton
Submitted by Joke-Of-The-Day.com member

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.  At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”  To which the little brother replied, “No, but Gramma is!”